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Intimate Talk

The Marital Dilemma: 3 Years, Now What?

By Kate & Peter

Peter and I thought that we had the perfect marriage.We had often heard about couples with good relationships that had suddenly deteriorated but we were sure that it would never happen to us.Recently,we've found that there's truth to the proverb "all good things must come to an end".Here's an example of what we mean.

KATE : Peter and I were married three years ago, after a five-year courtship. Last year, we had our first child, Andrew, and it seemed like the fulfillment of all our dreams. We thought we had it all - great jobs, a beautiful home, a loving relationship and the baby we had longed for since we got married.

I'll admit that it's been hard for us to enjoy 'alone' time since Andrew's arrival. After all, an eight-month old baby is a huge responsibility and while I'd like to spend more intimate evenings devoted to Peter, it's a little harder to arrange these days. Admittedly, when we've managed it, its given new meaning to the term 'sexual satisfaction'!

I've heard about how romance dies after a while but I never dreamed it would happen to us. Prior to this, we celebrated the anniversaries of the day we met and our wedding day with romantic gestures - intimate dinners, flowers and lingerie for me and IOU's for great sex and expensive gifts for him - but this year he bought me a vacuum cleaner! Where's the romance in that, I asked him. Imagine my horror when he told me that he's gotten me the vacuum cleaner because I'd been talking about how much we needed a new one! He didn't seem to understand that yes, while I needed it, it was the last thing that I'd thought I would get for my anniversary!

Of course, one can argue that I was lucky that my husband actually paid attention to what I was saying. And yes, he has always put me first, especially when in our bedroom! Once, he even pointed out the results of Pfizer’s Global Better Sex Survey that had appeared in the papers.

"64% of men believed that it is important for them to give their partner pleasure," he read out loud with a self-important smirk. I digress but the fact remains that I had organised a romantic getaway for us at a resort and even made arrangements for him to enjoy a game on the resort's 18-hole golf course! It was going to be a weekend devoted to us but after his thoughtless gift (did I mention that it was a vacuum cleaner?), sex and intimacy is the last thing on my mind. Are men really from Mars?

PETER : Perhaps it's because I view things from a male perspective that I believe that Kate is making a mountain out of a molehill. I find it difficult to understand why she is so upset. After all, she kept going on about needing a vacuum cleaner prior to our anniversary so I got her one! For heeding her wishes, I got screamed at and locked out of the bedroom.

After I realised how upset she was, I apologised profusely and even bought her flowers the next day but she's still refusing to talk to me. She locks herself in the bedroom every night despite my efforts to make amends. Honestly, there's no pleasing women. While I may have made a mistake in buying her a practical gift for our anniversary, I've seen the error of my ways and apologised. I really don't see what the fuss is all about.

I can't believe some of the things she said to me during the fight. One of the 'gems' was her screaming at me that she wouldn't touch me now for all the money in the world. I actually think she means it which is really strange, considering she admitted, once, that I was a selfless lover (when I mentioned in passing the results of the Pfizer Global Better Sex Survey. But that’s another story. Maybe women are from Venus! If I had the money, I'd pay for whatever courses that would teach me how to understand women better. I doubt if I'd succeed in learning anything but you can't say that I didn't try then, could you?

Having said that, maybe I was wrong to opt for practicality when choosing the gift but I honestly thought that it was what she wanted. The gift of a vacuum cleaner doesn't mean I love her less, after all. In fact, I was pleased that I was giving her what she wanted but I guess somewhere along the way, we got our wires crossed.

Kate has never been a nagging wife but I think I would prefer that to the silent treatment I've been getting for the past two weeks. It looks as if the sofa is going to be my bed for a while and I'd better get used to it. At least the vacuum cleaner can come in handy!